Tonight as Brandon and I were driving home from Florida, we approached Knoxville, TN near dinner time. Brandon wanted me to Goggle search all of the places in Knoxville that the show “Man vs. Food” had been to. The place he chose was Dixson BBQ. The background to this is…I don’t like BBQ. In fact, I hate it so much that it has inspired me to list the top 10 foods or food related issues that absolutely horrify me. I am really not that picky of a person, but anybody who knows me knows that there are a few things I just can’t handle when it comes to food. I hate this about myself, but I just can’t overcome these issues.
10. Meats From Unusual Animals
I mean, come on…could you eat that!?!? I have never had rabbit or lamb, because, well, they are too cute to eat. If you could name it, you shouldn’t eat it!
9. Raw Oysters
This one isn’t that weird. A lot of people are turned off by the slimy texture, bad taste, and potentially dangerous risk of contracting Salmonella. I love basically any other seafood item.
This refers to just plain milk. I like chocolate milk. Who doesn’t? But I have never been able to just chug a tall, cold glass of milk. In fact, I drank Gatorade in my bottle as a baby. I had a lot of health issues as a baby, so that could have contributed, but I could never handle milk. I hope my bones don’t suffer later!
I hate any form of gravy. This is particularly bad because the place I live is considered the biscuits and gravy capital of the world! The thought of adding flour to the left over fat dripping of whatever meat it may be and stirring until the right consistency is reached is just not appealing to me. One place Brandon and I ate this week on vacation had the following menu item:
Roast Beef with Grave and Debris
Debris??!?! Really!?!?! No thanks.
6. Fear of Food touching- ”Brumotactillophobia”
You can imagine my horror when KFC came out with those ridiculous bowls that has everything all mixed together.
This fear is the source of most of my food issues. I have read that this may actually be a form of OCD. I always knew that I needed an SSRI (Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitor, Zoloft for example for all you non-pharmacy peeps out there). Maybe if I had some Zoloft, this whole list would go away!
The problem with sandwiches is, as mentioned above, I hate for food to touch. A sandwich is just too much different kinds of food in one bite! I like bread. I like meat. I like cheese. I’m just not 100% on eating all of these touching. Also most sandwiches violate the next 4 on my list.
I have tried my whole life to like tomatoes, but they are horrible! When I was little, I used to LOVE strawberries, and occasionally I would confuse a Tommy tomato for a strawberry. I would keep eating with a dreadful look on my face. They just aren’t good. If they are mistakenly put on the top of my salad, the whole thing tastes like tomatoes!
3. Soggy Bread
This was my main problem with the place Brandon and I went tonight. There was so much barbecue sauce on these “pig burgers”, which were essentially large sausage patties smothered in barbecue sauce on white bread, that the bread was soggy. I know some people are into dipping their bread in stuff and letting it get soggy. My sweet papaw used to crumble up his cornbread into a glass of buttermilk and onions! Me, not so much! The whole idea of biscotti is about more than I can handle!
2. Sauces in general
I have a problem with sauces. Not all sauces. There are some good ones out there, but I will DIP whatever it is in the sauce…PLEASE do not just put it on top! Mustard…awful! Katsup…awful! Barbecue sauce…the worst…ruins everything! Mayonnaise gets its own number. I have really branched out in trying new sauces, but many of them are terrible. I think the worst part about them is when the way the make other foods soggy, as mentioned above.
1. Mayonnaise- HORRIFYING!
Everything about mayonnaise disturbs me. The way it looks like curdled fat, the way it gets bad quickly when left out, the way it smells…well, actually, I am not sure how close I have ever really been to mayonnaise. I know my BFF’s Mel’s mom put it on a grilled cheese one time (???) when I was a teenager, and I accidentally ate some. To be honest, I do not really know what mayonnaise is or what it’s made out of, and I am fine not knowing. If you make something with mayonnaise as an ingredient, changes are I will eat, and chances are, I will like it. Just please do not tell me there is mayonnaise in it!