Ok, I must first disclose that I do not have any real children, so I am really not the authority on this issue.
Hounds with Santa, because they are my children for now.
I am sure there are things about my future human children that will eternally outweigh the joys I get from velvet-covered ears, frito feet, and wagging tails. But whatever they are, I have not experienced them. So, for now, I will list the aspects of being a hound momma that, I imagine, triumph being a real momma.
1. You can go to Wal-Mart and leave them in the fence.
If you look closely, you can see two hounds eagerly awaiting the return of their momma.
I am not sure if I have shared this attribute of myself before, but I loathe going to Wal-Mart. I have actually developed neck hives during a past experience at the West Kingsport, all of Hawkins County, and all of Southwest Virginia Wal-Mart, which happens to be my across-the-road neighbor.
There are a handful of reasons that Wal-Mart puts me on-edge. Probably on the top of the list - people who bring all six of their kids with them. This wouldn’t be such a big deal if we were only talking about one or two families per Wal-Mart visit, but this is not the case! It seems every single redneck this side of the Holston River brings the whole litter out to grocery shop. Nothing against rednecks, I am one, too. But please, only bring as many offspring as you are capable of managing to Wal-Mart!
If you have six dogs, you could just put them in the fence and go on – just saying! I do not have experience with children, but I am pretty sure, depending on the ages, that you can’t just pin them up and go.
2. They do not talk back.
I will not go as far to say that dogs obey, because some of them have a mind of their own…cough…cough…Annabelle. But they do not talk, so they can’t call you bad names that stun you when they don’t get their way. I know that kids can and will do this, because I did this! Sorry, Mom.
3. They eat the same thing every day, and you do not have any trouble getting them to eat.
Dog food is pretty easy. I just scoop enough to fill one large metal bowl in the morning, and they are good for the whole day. I know for a fact that kids have problems eating. They want what they want when they want it, which makes Mom a short-order cook. Or there is the other extreme- the kid that won’t eat…anything! Sorry again, Mom. It is not your fault I had failure to thrive. If you had just had dogs though, they would have eaten every bite you made with overwhelming joy until they literally died!
4. They only need a bath once month.
Could you imagine how sticky and utterly disgusting your kid would be if you only bathed them as often as the dog? And the dogs are the nasty ones??? I don’t think so! Well, mine are pretty malodorous.
5. They have a way of reading you.
It seems that my dogs always know what kind of mood I am in. They are incredibly supportive if I am sad or sick. Kids need you to be “on” all the time. It doesn’t matter if you have a migraine or are in a crying mood. You have to be Mom and suck it up.
This in not an exhaustive list, but it does bring out a bunch of good points. So, if you are trying to decide whether to procreate or to rescue a needy hound, you can see where I stand!